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Casino Etiquette 101
By Scott Weinberg

Every form of public entertainment has its own set of unspoken guidelines: at the movies, it's considered very rude to speak loudly or kick people; it's seen as bad form to "butt in" an amusement park queue, and when visiting the local shopping mall, it's very important to wear pants. While a trip to the casino may seem like a simple enough affair, there are several Do's and Do Not's to remember. Follow this simple primer and you'll soon be the classiest guy in the room:

DO dress nicely. While you don't have to dress 'formal' for a trip to the gaming tables, you don't want to look like a tourist from upper Miskogee. Khakis and a nice shirt (NOT a T-shirt!) will set you up nicely, but if you insist on wearing jeans, just make sure they're clean and not covered in paint splotches or chocolate stains (or worse, something that looks like chocolate stains but isn't actually chocolate…). But this isn't just for show. If you dress nicely the pit bosses are more likely to respond generously to you and throw you a meal comp or two. Someone who doesn't look like they just woke up in a foxhole has a distinct advantage over someone who does.

DON'T stiff the waitresses. For the most part, all drinks are free in the casino, so you really have no excuse for not tipping. If you're not loaded with cash, just put 5 or 10 singles aside, and take care of the waitress when she brings your drink. Simply put, if you can't afford ten spare bucks for gratuities, you probably shouldn't be gambling.

DO keep your cool regardless of the situation. Yes, I know full well the anguish of losing 200 bucks on a picture perfect hand of blackjack, but screaming and whining about your woes will only get you a handful of dirty looks. If a particular table is kicking your butt, politely excuse yourself from the game, head out to your car, and beat the hell out of your spare tire. That way you aren't bothering anyone, and your fury is kept hidden from unsympathetic eyes.

DON'T keep asking total strangers what time it is. Casinos do NOT have clocks inside, and that's done on purpose. Time moves three times faster when you're gambling, and the minutes simply fly by. Bring a watch of your own, or simply stop worrying about what time it is. You're here to win some money, not keep a curfew!

DO congratulate other players on their good fortune. I know this one is tough to accomplish when you're already 200 bucks in the hole, but nobody likes a sore loser. Conversely, keep your mouth CLOSED when someone is taking a nasty drubbing. Comments like "Oooh, close one!" will earn you nothing but nasty looks and maybe even an uppercut to the forehead.

DON'T hover over players. If you're looking for an open seat, pick a simple route and follow it slowly. Much like searching for a parking spot during Christmas season, it's sometimes quite difficult to find a good gaming seat. If you opt to simply shadow a few players, they'll feel like you're waiting for them to lose and consequently they will hate you when they do. If a casino is that crowded, odds are that some new tables will be opening up soon. Find them.

DO behave like James Bond when you're asking a casino employee for something. Whether it's directions to the men's room or a comp for the Breakfast Buffet, you'd be surprised what a smile and a "please" will get you. Although the casino itself is of course loaded with millions of dollars, the employees are usually just your average working Joes, many of whom have been standing on their feet for 8 straight hours. And YES, that also goes for that one evil dealer who cleaned you out in 7 minutes. Believe me, the dealers want you to win - that's how they get tips!

DON'T overreach yourself. I could tell you horror stories about the abuse I've committed on my ATM card in Atlantic City, so before you head into the casino, have a clear picture in your head of how much you can afford to LOSE! Hope for the best, but expect the worst, and if your gambling funds run dry earlier than expected, just call it a night. If you think losing 500 clams is painful, imagine dropping another 750 just trying to win it back. I've seen grown men cry at casinos. Don't let it happen to you.